Music: Jill Scott

Videos and songs like ’Hear My Call’  are why I will always be a fan of Jill Scott. Raw, honest and lyrics that force you to think. I may not be in love with all her new album ‘The Light of the Sun’ but this song was on repeat from the first moment I played it. I have yet to see her live and not cry. Good music can do that :)

Music: Kem

His voice is so distinctive. Yesterday ‘I cant stop loving you’ came on Sweet 100.1 FM here in Trinidad and though I had never heard it before it just took one sentence for me to identify Kem. It is equal parts mellow, seductive and caressing the way his voice translates those notes. This singer and songwriter first captured my affection with the song ‘Love Calls Your Name’ from his 2002 album ‘Kemistry’. He has released two more albums, the latest being the beautiful ‘Intimacy’ in 2010. He speaks about the complexes and his undying belief in love. If you have not fallen for Kem already, do yourself a favour and get his albums. For these songs below it is worth it

 

 

Golden Globe Nominations

Let the awards season begin! All roads lead to the Oscars and these nominations give a nice idea of what to expect on Oscar night. Katie Holmes, Josh Duhamel and Blair Underwood read out the list of nominees, some expected, others a surprise, this morning.

I expected to see the movies Inception, Blue Valentine, Black Swan and The Kings Speech – they have all been receiving great reviews and I have seen for myself how amazing Inception is. In the television section The Good Wife, Modern Family, Glee, Mad Men and Boardwalk Empire are also fighting for the globe.

Unexpected were the nods for The Tourist, Burlesque, The Social Network and Red. The Tourist did badly in the box office this weekend and had equally bad reviews but the Hollywood Foreign Press Association felt that Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp deserved to be recognised for their acting. Cynics will argue that the HFPA are ensuring that their red carpet will be dazzling next year.  With Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry and Jon Hamm it will be!

It would have been great to see Cougar Town recognised for it comedic brilliance and despite my love for Glee its second season really has not touched the excellence of season one, yet. And despite being in its final season Friday Night Lights still has not received the recognition its deserves. But this is Hollywood. Nothing is ever fair in that town

The names that made me smile were Emma Stone for Best Actress in Easy A (a funny lovely modern teenage flick), Idris Elba for BBC’s Luther (Yay!) and Jennifer Lawrence Best Actress for Winter’s Bone ( a haunting film set in the chilling Ozark mountains in Arkansas). These two young ladies are amazing actresses whose names you will become familiar with in the future.

So I am looking forward to the fashion, the glitz, the speeches and the controversies on January 16th. You can see the full list of nominee here. And below are some of the films/TV shows  nominated and I strongly recommend you check out (because I plan to!):

Winter’s Bone

The King’s Speech

Black Swan

Blue Valentine

Walking Dead (Warning: Gruesome/Graphic) – Note the two British actors in the trailer Andrew Lincoln & Lennie James

Covert Affairs

The only reason to watch Gossip Girl…

I seriously let go of this show in season 3. The story lines and acting got moronic BUT Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick have the most magnetic chemistry. Together you genuinely feel the emotions. Will they put them back together? I will depend on Youtube to give me the answer because entire episodes may make my retinas bleed.

This is the first full scene between Chuck and Blair for the new season and with them both in Paris it could not have been a more fitting location. They are an epic couple with an epic city as their backdrop. Funny enough reading various recaps and the comments that follow, my opinion of ‘Chair’ and the general demise of this series seems to be the overall conclusion…

Street Cleaners and I – the future?

Today on my walk to college the pattern continued.

He saw me walking down the hill. I saw him from the corner of my eye and took a deep sigh. These things are predictable now.

“Hello!”

Yes he was talking to me.

I kept me eyes straight ahead humming along to Maxwell.

“Oiii you!”

Seriously. His voice was echoing in the empty street. He was busy sweeping up the autumn leaves into his wheelie bin.

I upped the pace.

Street cleaners like me.

It seems that I have a type. In this case I am not referring to the men I like but instead the men who like me.

I don’t walk into a room and get male heads snapping in chorus. Never have. But I can guarantee if he is off centre and socially unstable that young man would be the one trying to catch my eye.

I became aware of my appeal to these types many years ago. Mad people like to talk to me. They stare at me as I walk by. They insist on forming conversation. Insanity finds me attractive.

Laugh if you wish. Accuse me of exaggeration. I accept that you are not in my shoes so simply have no access to the file of experiences I have had.

There is an infamous story given to single women in the church. You may have heard it. The single woman who prayed for a husband and the the one armed man (some versions he has one leg, a missing eye…you get the picture) who kept trying to talk to her. She prayed and begged the lord to not make him her husband. Conclusion of the story, she marries the one arm/leg/eye man. He was the one.

That story is not funny to me. But it plays on my mind. Should I give the street cleaners/unstable suitors a chance?

I am not overwhelmed with offers so should I not accept the ones I get? A friend once told me that I am the kind of woman men do not approach because they see that I am serious person, that they can not play games with me. Compliment? I am round and dark and can look quite serious. The reason sane brothers don’t approach me?

On the other hand they may see something kind in me, approachable. I pray it’s that and not something unstable underneath it all.

So the eternal thinker, yes me, is pondering her appeal and re-evaluating who I am attracted to. Maybe time to add a few more types to my already long list.

Sometimes you have really have no choice but to laugh at it all.

And the problem is?

I was looking at the wedding pictures of one of my favourite sitcom actress Essence Atkins today, when the blogger mentioned she had met her husband on Match.com. I was surprised. My first thoughts being “She needed an online dating site?” A quick google search turned up dozens of similar comments. And honestly some of them were just mean!

Honestly there is no rules to this relationship game. And these days the Internet is the means by which so many people communicate. I know women who dated men they met on facebook and Hi5 and Blackchat and Match and it as easy as meeting some one on the street. The biggest difference being that you tend to talk to this person much more before you physically meet. I also know a very happily married couple who met over net.

Why should we judge? I think romance comes in so many beautiful ways. And I am happy for anyone who finds it. Unfortunate I can’t afford Match or Eharmony or any of those paid sites that exist otherwise I may have tried them by now. I am just not opposed to it.

Love can be a beautiful thing with the right person. Best of luck to Essence and any other woman who finds it.

Old Blog Revisited 4: I’m not scared of Lions and Tigers and Bears but I’m scared of…

It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks (yes I am referring to myself here but I am a pompek not a ‘pot hound’!). So I am heading back into rehab. Just had to read this post again to remind myself that I am a failure when it comes to…

Yep you can go ahead and groan. I’m already doing it. Yes I am about to talk about love. All I can promise is that it will be short and sweet.

So I have an addiction. I am addicted to the idea of being in love. I write about, watch movies about it, read books about it … you get the picture.

I know I am not the only one suffering from this ailment. Many of my single friends (both men and women) are afflicted with it as well. We feel left out of the loop, incomplete and endeavor to find love, come what may.

Lately I have been analysing my addiction in a scientific manner. Dissecting the origin of the desire and what continues to fuel it. And the conclusion is that I really do suck at this thing call love. I have been in the ‘game’ for more than fifteen years. I have tried it from all angles and met different men along the way. I have some good memories but also left some deep gashes in my heart. I have tried to learn from my mistakes but find myself repeating the failed patterns. One of them is liking men who have made it clear that they are not interested. I managed to stop myself very recently from doing it again. My instincts scream that he has no interest but my stubborn heart says “Maybe one day, so don’t let go”. No need to detail how this story concludes, every time. The other patterns are more personal to share but the results are the same. I am no good at this love thing.

What would you call someone who goes to the same rock, kicks it, hurts her foot then goes back and does the same thing again, for fifteen years?

I told Tobago girl Saturday night that I no longer talk to the Lord about love. I ask him for his guidance with my career and money and my family. I feel his presence in all those things but not with my love relationships. I’ve asked him a few times why he made me ‘boy crazy’, loving, affectionate and with the desire to have children and a marriage if they aren’t meant for me?

On Sabbath the Pastor said the truest words

“God never promised you a husband or wife. He promised you that he will take care of you.”

A bell went off in my head.

So its time to take myself out of the game.

I know you’re thinking,

“Whatever. Like it’s that easy!”

It’s not. Nothing is harder than letting go of something you have held onto for most of your life. It is like an amputation. But that eternal optimism that has fuelled me has no tangible evidence that it is obtainable. All the variables, for me, have pointed in the opposite direction and I have been choosing to ignore it.

Time to pool my energies in my other dreams. He gave me these feelings to fuel my writings and my imagination. He gave me these experiences to be a good friend and to help those who have found love but sometimes need a shoulder to lean on. I have not quite reconciled what to do with my biological clock or my boy crazy heart but it took me fifteen years to get this far so logically it may take me another decade to work out how to channel those feelings. I am evolving and leaving some parts are sad but I do believe that when one door closes another opens wide.

So you can breathe now. My love rant is done ;o)

Old Blogs revisited 1 – Ambiguous Relationships

Re-reading old blog posts are interesting. Its almost like reading an old diary and seeing how you were in any particular time period. So this week I have decided to repost some of my favorites! This was one I made in August 2007 and think is still so relevant to so many people:
They are rampant.

I’ve had a couple. Three people I know are currently in one. I’ve been witness to many over the years. I doubt its a new phenomenon but its qualities are always the same. Two people who are in a relationship but claim they aren’t. What confounds the ambiguity is the fact that one of those two people wants to define the situation but the other person is reluctant to (which makes it completely different from two people who have mutually decided to’ just kick it’ cause neither wants a serious commitment).

I know that you know what I’m talking about. You two are spending most, if not all your free time together, you talk on the phone all the time, you’ve met his/her friends and family, you pretty much talk and share most parts of your life together but when anyone says to you, “How is your boy/girlfriend”. Your reply is, “I don’t have one”. According to how close the ‘askee’ is to you the response is usually met with a quizzical look and/or remark.

My theory is that fear is the driving force behind all ambiguous relationships. Yep, aha, I just generalised it. That’s my conclusion and I’m sticking to it. One person is afraid of either commitment, the unknown, the fact that they are unsure of their feelings for the other person or even worse they know exactly how they feel and know that they don’t want to be with them. But they continue. They carry on with the undecided, undefined thing and fall deeper into a murky abyss.Yes there are some examples of ambiguous relationships that finally admitted their status and became a full blown real couple situation, but for everyone of those there are the ones that carry on their strange dance for months and even years.

The reason for the continuation can usually be boiled down to hope. Holding onto the hope that the other person will one day turn around and let go of some of their fear and take a leap. While basking in this hope they find themselves becoming an enabler. Making excuses for the ambiguity and even holding themselves up as the reason while secretly in their minds and their hearts they hold on to the hope.

I gave up trying to figure out the rules for relationships a long time ago. Questions like what does true love feel like? How long should a courtship last? When is the right time to ask someone out? To kiss or not to kiss? How much is too much time to be spending with one person? Why is it some people are serial monogamist and others can’t seem to be able to even get a relationship started? When do you know when its time to walk away?

The only thing I’m sure about is that every man woman relationship is defined by that individual man and woman. How you were with Sara won’t be the same way with Kiki cause those are two different people! I believe you have to be true to yourself. Especially in an ambiguous relationship. If you know you need it to be defined and the other person refuses to makes it so, move. on. out. Point blank. Holding on and hoping rarely works out. You saying no may well be the thing to prod that person to make up their mind, but also be prepared for the fact that it might not be.I know its not easy de-tangling yourself from a relationship that you have invested your time and emotions in but here’s the point. Its takes two.No matter how good it feels if he or she is uncomfortable with claiming you that says it all. Don’t waste your time and energy building something on no foundation. We’re all worth more than that.

That how i feel but I would love to hear what anyone thinks…..

Things that make me think hmmmm.

• “All those who cry at weddings say I.” If that survey was done I would have to stand up, raise my hand and say ‘I’ at the top of my voice. It’s an involuntary act that usually occurs around the point when the bride walks down the aisle. I alternate between grinning inanely at the bride and staring at the groom All the while tears start to escape. Its’ a beautiful moment watching them smile at each other, their eyes transfixed. The exchanging of the vows and the groom ‘My wife and I’ speech also cause the same reaction. Tell me a decade ago that a wedding would evoke such emotions and I would have laughed. It made no sense to me then. But now I know that it is touching to witness people you know make that commitment to each other. Its 90% happy tears with 10% longing mixed in. I don’t know if I will ever be that bride gliding down the aisle.
• Only in America can a plan for health care reform cause such turmoil. Yes I am simplifying all the intricacies of this bill but its basic premise is better coverage for those who currently can not afford it. I guess ignorance is indeed bliss as people like myself who exist in a system that offers ‘free’ health care can wax poetic about its merit. My American counterparts have no such experience and some are instead reacting with fear and annoyance. I think the ever amusing Sarah Palin sums up the hysteria best with this statement:

“The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’….”

Death panel???? Let the madness continue.

• Spent a lovely evening with one of my best friends from High school. She is exactly the same person despite the more than ten years we have not seen each other. It was fun reminiscing and laughing at all the memories we share. We are the same teen girls wrapped up in thirty year old bodies. It a strange thing this growing older lark. Your mind feels eighteen but your body and age says differently. We look like our mind’s eye thank goodness. And though I often question my maturity I am beginning to accept the beauty of being young at heart.
• I still rather watch TV on my laptop than on the box itself. My television must feel quite rejected. I’m currently watching ‘True Blood’ (Me watching a vampire series, shocks me too!) and ‘Entourage’. Waiting patiently for ‘Gossip Girl’. Starting ‘Mad Men’ from season one. And still have to buy season 5 of ‘The Wire’.
• There are five books sitting in my bedroom unread. This is fact that is akin to the world coming to an end. Me of old would never have allowed a pile of unread literature to pile up in my vicinity. There are even a few unread magazines in my rack. I haven’t listened to an audio book in months. Seriously this fit of madness HAS TO END. The week I have allotted to end the backlog is 31st Aug to 4th Sept. No work or studying till the next week. I can do it. I mean I used to read a book in a day every week! Time to get back to my book- worm incarnation.
• Why does the sun wake me up every morning but an hour later its grey skies and chilly weather? Welcome to the classic English summer. Fifteen plus years on and I still can not stand it.
• I love 2.0 but he is costing me a bundle. Conclusion – sometimes the things you love the most end of costing you the most!
• Apart from reading, writing, travelling and movies I have found a new favorite thing. Stage managing! Random I know but it is fun making sure everything runs smoothly. I even loved running back and forth like a mad woman. It is fun discovering new skills.
• A friend suggested becoming a ‘yes woman’. Basically saying yes to all requests no matter how out of my box they might be. I think I will take up the challenge. It may make me more spontaneous and challenge my numerous fears. Let’s see what happens!
• Who really attacked that couple in Tobago? My instincts tell me that it’s not the man they arrested. I think that the international pressure to find a culprit lead to this man’s ‘confession’. This is not the first brutal crime to occur in beautiful Tobago. The fact that this couple is still alive is a miracle as others have not been so lucky. It saddens me that the evil of this world has seeped into tranquil Tobago. And this will not be the last time unfortunately.

Adventures of the tenacious 2.O

He loves long drives, hot showers and nothing makes him shine like a good wax rub down. Perusing the streets of London with the lovely J9 makes his days full of adventure and new sights. She treats him well for an amateur. Despite a cracked wing mirror and brakes that needed some new padding, they have had many good times together. She talks to him often letting him know how important he is to her.

“I can’t imagine how I even survived on trains and buses. With you in my life there are so many new places to explore!”

Their early mornings are the best. London is so still and picturesque with summer sun actually making an appearance. He hums with contentment as she sings along to the radio and makes him gently accelerate along the narrow roads.

That Sunday was lovely. Warm, bright and not yet filled with jostling cars. When they approached the coach they had been driving along happily keeping the distance. So it shocked them both when the coach sped up and its back swung violently into the side of 2.O! J9 felt her heart racing watching the evil coach sped away. How bad was the damage?

When they pulled over she crouched down and lovingly touched the scratches and dents that had been left behind.

“I’m so sorry 2.O” she whispered.

He sensed her melancholy and tried to reassure her that all was still well.

“It’s all part of the adventure.” he wanted to say but hummed and rattled along instead. He knew that there were many more trips and close encounters to come. The lovely j9 had no reason to worry or fear. 2.O was simply going no where.